“We wonder if you have thought about the fact that the two athletes criticized for their celebrations in awake of Olympic medals were people of color. Both Manzano and Serena Williams, whose celebrated her Gold medal with a “Crip walk,” have been the source of endless criticism. Is it just a coincidence that these two athletes’ expressions of joy are cause for complaints, or does this tell us something about the ways that race operates in contemporary America? Are athletes of color, those imagined to be foreigners, to be “lucky” to be part of the America fabric, required to do that little extra, to give thanks to the nation irrespective of the history of violence and discrimination. As we read the comments found below your piece, we can’t help but thinking that this has everything to do with who waved the two flags and that points to the danger in a column that inflames bigotry and an already sordid discourse around immigration.”
“I am unable to watch the Olympics due to the blustering jingoism that drenches the event. Has England ever been quite so foul with patriotism? The “dazzling royals” have, quite naturally, hi-jacked the Olympics for their own empirical needs, and no oppositional voice is allowed in the free press. It is lethal to witness. As London is suddenly promoted as a super-wealth brand, the England outside London shivers beneath cutbacks, tight circumstances and economic disasters. Meanwhile the British media present 24-hour coverage of the “dazzling royals”, laughing as they lavishly spend, as if such coverage is certain to make British society feel fully whole. In 2012, the British public is evidently assumed to be undersized pigmies, scarcely able to formulate thought.
As I recently drove through Greece I noticed repeated graffiti seemingly everywhere on every available wall. In large blue letters it said WAKE UP WAKE UP. It could almost have been written with the British public in mind, because although the spirit of 1939 Germany now pervades throughout media-brand Britain, the 2013 grotesque inevitability of Lord and Lady Beckham (with Sir Jamie Horrible close at heel) is, believe me, a fate worse than life. WAKE UP WAKE UP.”
“There’s a lot of sex going on,” says women’s soccer goalkeeper Hope Solo, a gold medalist in 2008. How much sex? “I’d say it’s 70 percent to 75 percent of Olympians,” offers world-record-holding swimmer Ryan Lochte, who will be in London for his third Games. “Hey, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.” At the 2000 Sydney Games, 70,000 condoms wasn’t enough, prompting a second order of 20,000 and a new standing order of 100,000 condoms per Olympics.”
Genetic Engineering & the Olympics
To begin with, Olympic athletes all start out with a completely unfair advantage over those of us who will never snatch, clean or jerk at a world-class level: genetics. Just like supermodels need to be born with the genetic code for high cheekbones and UNIX sysadmins need to be born with the genetic code for answering perfectly reasonable questions in a snotty tone of voice, an Olympic back-stroker must be born of ancestors who had to escape waterborne predators while keeping an eye out for flying predators.
Why not level the genetic playing field?
Here’s the plan: We use genetic engineering to create a human being who is genetically average in every way, clone him — or her, we can flip a coin — and issue one Average Athlete Baby to each country to raise as they choose. Then, 18 years later, every country brings their Average Athlete Adult to whichever world-class city hasn’t suffered enough, and all the AAAs compete. In every event. They all must run a sprint, and a marathon, and shoot arrows and wrestle each other and do whatever “dressage” is. (I don’t know, but it sounds even kinkier than clone wrestling.)
The great thing about this setup is that it makes it almost impossible to cheat with drugs. There will only be 200-umptyump athletes, so we can easily test and monitor each one of them. And we’ll have their genome on file, so it should be simple enough to see who’s gone past what their double helix could pull off on its own.
This would be a true test of each country’s climate, culture and food sources.
Relax, it’s satire. [Wired]